like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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