Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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