He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
