I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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