You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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