Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
