WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
