no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
