worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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