the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
