I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
