Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
