I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
