all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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