I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i love accidental penises.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
