I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
