2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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