Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
