dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
