Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What a dumb baby whore.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
