I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
