what day is it and did you see me today?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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