I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
