11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
