made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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