my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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