this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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