Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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