K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
