Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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