i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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