Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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