A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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