I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
