i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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