I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
