What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
