This is not my ceiling
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
