take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Green mimosas i think yes
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
