He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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