Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
