is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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