where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
