Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
