I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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