My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
