So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's like heaven, but drunker
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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