I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
