i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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