Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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