I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
