Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
